Orphaned Land-The Never Ending Way Of ORwarriOR

Last Updated (Monday, 12 July 2010 15:38) Written by Miguel Blardony Monday, 28 June 2010 20:49

Release Date: January 5, 2010

Label: Century Media

Genre: Progressive Middle Eastern Folk Kebab

Rating: 3/10

Comments: A certified hour long snorefest.

Man, lousy album. It’s the truth. Whether you’re circumcised or not, give a f*ck about the Middle East or not,  take world music seriously or not, Orphaned Land is gonna sour your listening experience  15 different ways. That’s the number of songs here. And you were just thinking what a thermonuclear fartbomb the new Borknagar album is, right? Well, drop your panties gentlemen, here comes another greasy slab of experimental wankery that’ll cream all over your erogenous orifices until mayonnaise is coming out your eyes. So if you’re really hot and keen on such an experience and willingly push the play button for opening salvo “Sapari”…be warned, it’s gonna be rough.

The six members of Orphaned Land are probably very talented musicians in their neighborhood and aren’t lacking in ambition, since this is their second decade spent creating massive musical outpourings that leave you awed by its sheer breath. Whatever; A lot of people who listened to “OrwarrioR” emerged from the experience hella impressed, dazzled by the exotic ambience and corny-as-fuck concept narrative running through the tracklist. As mentioned a paragraph and a half ago, the album launches at “Sapari” that comes loaded with male/female vocals and Middle Eastern ambience. Ho-hum. Passable at best. Honest to goodness death metal gets underway on “Bereft In the Abyss” and woah, it hella stinks. Camel manure. Who the hell is growling? He sounds like shit. Is it the Kobi Farhi guy? He can sing alright, but growls? Dudes, get Angela Gossow to cameo on your album. This writer knows some Israeli band did this once.

“The Path” in two parts is a cloud of pestilence and to be freakin’ honest, this unpaid scribe has spent aeons digesting this particular masterpiece and is always left disappointed. Now die already. Yet despite the tedium, there’s a wonderful instrumental segue here involving acoustic guitars and a soothing tempo. Beyond it however, why, more dross. Esoteric song titles and soaring musical complexity are the foundation stones of such unwelcome mouthfuls as “Disciples of the Sacred Oath 2” (anyone for “Disciples of the Watch” instead?) or “His Leaf Shall Not Whither.” The official press release mentions the guy who does production for Opeth is involved here. If you’re expecting Israel’s answer to Opeth, expect to hang your head din shame once you’ve reached the album’s middle and not heard anything you’d wanna return to.